Summit Brazil

BRAZIL

I am in Rio since the United Nations summit on Sustainability is taking place over there. My husband will be very busy, attending one presentation after the other and I ……… I will be very busy as well exploring Rio de Janeiro.

I am in a hotel in Ipanema, which is one of the most beautiful beaches of Rio de Janeiro. I feel very grateful to be her.

I am looking around and enjoying what I observe. Beautiful women and being honest, very attractive men. “How is it possible that Brazil seemsto have such incredibly beautiful and handsome people”, I ask myself.

The weather is beautiful, nice temperatures and I am showered with a lot of sunshine. They call this winter? What about their summers?

I am aware that in this amazing country and in this city one of my most favourite authors Paulo Coelho is born. I am thinking of him and smile.

I was born in The Netherlands and I love Amsterdam. If anybody would ask me to come up with a word that represents Amsterdam I would say without any hesitation: “FREEDOM”. The breath of fresh air that is filling each and every cell with what I would call FREEDOM. Amsterdam is the best place for the development of what I would call SOUL.

The word for Rio de Janeiro would be: “SENSUAL” or is it “SEXUAL” and what does it mean? I walk on the beaches and enjoy watching the sceneries. I talk to people that I cannot understand. Even my few words of Spanish that I still know do not help me to communicate. It does not mean that I cannot do anything, of course I can, I smile, smile and smile.

The days that Walter (my husband) can spend with me we rent a bike and cycle on our way to Copacabana between skateboarders, runners, walkers and other bikes and God knows what else.

I am drinking fresh coconut and in the evenings the Brazilian speciality Caipirinha. I feel drunk after one class but who cares? I am in Rio. I want to express myself very clearly: I LOVE RIO.

I think I ordered some specific food but for one or the other reason I always get something different. I do not bother at all. I enjoy and think of what I might have said and know that it is completely unimportant. I visit some of the tourist attractions.

Since I am unable to have profound dialogues with people I am reflecting on some insights and thoughts. It seems that there are still undiscovered tribes deep in the rainforest of Brazil. I am thinking that it might be the best thing that could happen not to discover them as Columbus did. Why not? I am asking myself. I am reflecting on what has happened in the past. We discover something, or we think we do, and from the perspective of superiority we influence immediately other people habitats and behaviour. It might be that we bring our illnesses and diseases into their environment and their civilizations will not last. Is this a problem? I ask myself. Since I am not having the answer, it is a problem. What would I tell them? It must be even more difficult than trying to make myself understandable in Portuguese. Are they talking a language? What if we would be able to communicate with them, what do I share with them. Is it possible for me to explain about the Netherlands? That our capital is Amsterdam for instance.

 If they ask me what is special in Amsterdam, would it be possible for me to explain that we had famous painters, that we have the Rijksmuseum, the van Gogh museum and the Anne Frank house?

If they would ask me: Who is Anne? What do I tell them? How can I ever explain what caused her death? Every reason seems to be unreasonable. Who is willing to kill a young girl? I do not have an idea!

 

I still know that I read for the first time her famous diary. I still know the unbearable pain that caused what I read in my heart. I still know that I locked myself up in my own fantasies. I still know how many possibilities I created to let her escape. It seems that Anne never left me. She is very alive next to me in Brazil. I am not Jewish but the imprint of what happened to her and so many others could not be bigger or deeper. I firmly believe that from that moment on I decided never to “belong” to something. That from that moment on, I, on a (un) conscious level, never, ever committed myself completely to an idea, ideology, religion, or political party.

How much I wanted and I am sure we all would like to have the magic stick to bring Anne again alive. “Anne, please wake up. Anne it was just a nightmare. Anne do not be afraid, it is not true, nobody would ever do this to you or to anybody else. Anne, please listen, we all love you and we will always protect you. Anne come, wake up. Anne you know, it never happened”.

I will never fully understand what happened inside me. I am crying now and I do not know why. Pain, unbearable pain, tears are running while writing this. Nothing changed inside me. After all the meditation courses, the books I read, the best teachers I had classes from. Inside me the unbearable pain of evil still exist.

Paulo Coelho is telling us to say no to evil and I agree. I spend many days, weeks, and months in life to accept everything as it is and I have to admit that I am (still) not very successful. It is not about acceptance, it is about what our next steps will be. I always wanted to be a kind of new Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi or the Dalai Lama but I am not. My path is different. I know that deep, deep inside me is a voice, that wants to express the pain. There is a part in me that represents the warrior, the rebellion, the voice of the ones that are not heard. Wherever I go the forgotten people are on my side. They are part of me. I can dress up in the most expensive dresses, being surrounded with the most intelligent, creative, great people but I know and I am surrounded with the circumstances of many other people. I know of mothers that tried to save their babies while trying to reach the beach of Gran Canarias but died due to unsafe overloaded boats full of refugees. I am aware of the people that have burn marks all over their bodies due to the fact that they have no electricity and use paraffin for cooking and how dangerous this is, since it can explode. I know that there is human trafficking. Young children are forced into prostitution. I will never be able to neglect this. I will never be able to say: I did not know. I just know. It has nothing to do with fear, nothing to do with guilt. It is not the addiction to drama. It is not. It is just the other part of me. If you shake hands with me, you touch the hands of the people that live in shelters. If you tell me my eyes are beautiful, just know you see the beauty of yourself and of all the people that live in horrible circumstances.

I remember a song that I always liked since I could have been this girl. Even when I would be surrounded with glamour I would be still the gypsy, the hermit, the nobody.

Where do you go to my lovely

My life was full of surprises and miracles. I was never able to be focussed on just one aspect of life. Some of us know that they will be great politicians, authors, painters, musicians and I ??? I am alive. I never wanted to be somebody, since I felt I was. I always knew I am. I am an observer who observes, knowing that I observe. I know I live my own fantasies wherever I go. I do not belong. I do not desire. Anne is walking next to me in Brazil. She is smiling. Anne you are free. Dance Anne, dance, this is Brazil.  Anne, I will celebrate Carnival in Rio, with you. We will dance. You will be the dancing queen. Anne we are free.

 

 

Leave a Reply