Summer Recess?

Enjoying the sounds of the crickets. The summer melody of "the Provence". I was already waiting for them for some time. They were late this year. I love to hear their amazing sounds. I like to call it Meditation Music. Resonating and vibrating with them. I am sitting in the shadow part of the garden, enjoying the slight breeze of the wind in the warm summer in France. Life is expressing itself at its fullest.

All classes are finished, all assignments graded and all "important" e-mails answered. Time to reflect and to express what is coming to mind as a peaceful expressing of the desire to create.

We joined “The great final year Flamenco Spectacle” as dancers. Thank you Cristel and Arthur Dente for never giving up hope and your never lasting support and strong believe that we can be always better than we thought. Thank you for sharing your passion for the world of Flamenco. How much we learned from both of you. Thank you Chirstel for transmitting your strong believe that each one of us can be a dancing STAR. How passionate and powerful your dance yourself Cristel.

Derk Jan passed his exams with an amazing result. I never thought that he would not be intelligent but I was not fully aware of his potentiality. He “passed” as we more often use to say. Although we are all celebrating this joyful event, for his family members he “passed”  already. This does not depend on final grades. Walter uses to call me a “Madre Italiana” and I can only imagine what he wants to explain. It has something to do with criticisms or better expressed, the lack of it. This is true since I find very little moments to criticize my son. Does this mean that he never does things wrong? Of course not!  His room is almost never organized. In average it gives the impression as if a bomb exploded and he still did not find enough time to clear and clean the damage. I feel indeed more often irritated and frustrated by this phenomena and I express this on a frequent basis and it never had the impact I would have liked it to have. My needs for overview and structure are not met when I enter his room. At the same moment I realize that this is my “challenge” and I am still wondered why I bombard others, including him, with my desires. If I am very honest, I just appreciate, respect and love him exactly how he is. We all celebrated his 18th birthday and enjoyed being together. He was overwhelmed by our speeches and especially Carmens speech touched his heart. "How proud daddy would have been. I can feel his smile", she said. Derk Jan finished our dinner with a spontanious speech himself, thanking all of us.

"My" son and I went to the Netherlands since he decided to study at a Dutch University. It is still easier to study in your "mother tongue". He did not know what, neither where, since he has a broad and divers interest. We went from Rotterdam (Business School), Groningen (Psychology) to Maastricht (Cultural Sciences and Psychology). Although Holland is a small country it took some time. Finally he decided to study at a University that we did not visit. Helena, his girlfriend went with us and we had the opportunity to spend four full days with each other and I enjoyed it. In Rotterdam we met in a small restaurant a psychiatrist who expressed how much he appreciated the openness he felt while being with us.

Carmen, "my" daughter went with us to Groningen.  The responsible program manager told us that she got goose bumps by all the questions my daughter asked concerning the future studies of her (baby) brother. I was amused. The last evening our oldest daughter Jana and her friend Niels came and all of us had dinner in a restaurant in Amsterdam. All celebrating family life.
I was observing everybody. Blond, blonder, dark, darker and I was in silence counting all the different nationalities at our table. Belgian, Dutch, Indonesian, Italian, German, English, Russian and Polish and I fully understood that almost nobody ever knows were we are from and what brought us together. A man sitting at another table liked our conversations and we invited him at our table. “I feel jealous when I see your children” he told me. “What a great family!”.
If people express themselves like that I feel a bit scared, as if the magic can be taken away. I realize that this is a strange reaction to protect what was never attacked. Are they special? Absolutely!

What I appreciate about the children is their authenticity and openness. All of them are an interesting mixture of vulnerability and strength. All have on one side self-confidence and deep doubts on the other hand. All have very divers areas which they like to explore and different interests, from animal life, sports, cars, clothing, traveling, politics, movies and many other subjects. They share and more important they are all able to listen.

Jana found a new job. She finished successfully her Educational Sciences studies at the University of Amsterdam. She wrote a great theses about: “Philosophy with children” and we all enjoyd the profound work she did. While working with children, that need in average more time to have certain results, she always shows her radiance by talking about “her children”.
Jana will start working in September 2008 as an orthopedagoge related to the “Salvation Army” in Amsterdam. In Holland the famous representative of the Armey was
Majoor Boshardt. Con467ff3422a787 What a beautiful human being. What a great work she did all those years. How loved she was. She was especially well known for her non-judgmental attitude. I will never forget the interview in Villa Felderhof with her and Herman Brood, a rock singer and artist.
The interviewers asked Jana about her Christian background since the Armey is based on the Christian principles. Jana first hesitated answering, since non of us is member of a specific religious party. On the other hand we all love Jesus and especially Majoor Boshardt was the very best example of what Jesus preached. “Compassion, truth, integrity, love, peace and respect”. We all feel and know that Jana will make a difference.

Carmen passed for her Propedeuse with great results and I am sure she will find ways to finish her studies. Not knowing exactly right now what “Miss World the Netherlands” will include the coming years. The miss world competition will be helt in Johannesburg, South Africa instead of Kiev, Ukraine. We are all looking forward to this event. 

Walter passed for his flight license. From now on he can call himself a “Pilot”. It has been always his great dream. As a young boy he always wanted to be a pilot but it was not possible at that time. In the meanwhile he spend time doing other things, became a scuba dive master, sailed for many years around Europe, drove his motorbike, plays his Flamenco Guitar every evening for the last ten years and created and maintained many of his other passions. "Born to be wild".

I flew three times with him and first I felt a bit scared. In small planes you feel all elements and due to the fact that I am not used to all these different movements my heart started beating. Fear is something powerful. It starts to control emotions, feelings and thoughts arising in the not expected moments, suddenly appearing from the carefully secret hidden undeleted files somewhere in our system. I smiled to my friend and embraced and welcomed “fear” as an old friend. “Fear” felt overwhelmed by the warmth and compassion and melted in my heart. With fear in my heart, melting and transforming, I enjoyed the view, the perspective of earth from a greater distances. "In this world but not from this world".

Our Siamese cat Napoleon catched a small baby bird (pigeon) and brought it proudly to me to show his hunting capacity. I did not judge him. It’s his nature. I just interfered as what I felt was appropriate, after Napoleon started to play ping-pong with the little creature. I took the badly injured little bird in my hands and brought it to the veterinarian who stiched the wound together. I brought the bird back home after surgery and Walter and I took care of him for about ten days. We called him "William". He was eating well and he recovered faster than we thought. After being attacked by William several times we felt that it was time for him to go back in nature. I took him to the garden openend the cage and waited. William was sitting silent only his little eyes slightly moved. I went closer and this was for William the moment to spread his wings and fly, first in a nearby small tree and immediately afterwards in the tallest one. Back to freedom. I thought "Release and Surrender". For me birds are a symbol of freedom and William showed what this means. Althoug William had more "security" in the cage, more immediate access to food he prefered his freedom. He followed his true nature. Thank you William for what you teach us.

Our dog Columbus started his journey to the other world. Columbus was 11 years member of our family. We all learned from him to practice non-judgment and unconditional love. It feels weird without Columbus. He was always with me at home. When I travelled he played "depressed", already starting some days before I left. Being back he "forgot" his depression. He played his theater very well and we made jokes about it. The cats are still reacting different without his presence. They were good friends. What a great memories we all have.  What a great character and what a fantastic friend! Thank you Columbus for your never lasting love.

A few days after Columbus passed away Walter and I went to a course with the Dalai Lama in Nantes. We felt grateful to be with his holiness in one room. In one of my earlier posts I wrote that I would love to meet the Dalai Lama and I could not imagine at that time that it would be that soon.

Carmen and I went to Indonesia. It felt as a true miracle for me as a mother to be able to spent every second for 14 days with “my” daughter. Sharing our feelings, emotions and thoughts in the same room and in Bali even in the same bed. All the contrast in a city as Jakarta had a great impact on us. We visited the street in which I once lived and we discovered the “old” house. Everything was completely changed. We went to the museum of Basouki Abdullah and enjoyed the wonderful paintings. It felt strange to be in the house in which he once painted me. All seemed so different. Realizing how much I learned from his stories, sages and myths. More than ever I recognize the meaning in his paintings. How sad that people killed Basoeki (the 5th of November 1993).

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We met a dear friend. This was especially for Carmen very important. When we allow ourselves to be fully in the present we are able to experience “divine timing”. This was exactly what both of us felt during our stay in Indonesia. In one single second all gossip washed and cleaned. All doubts washed away. Transforming fear, nervosity into respect and love. What a discovery! What a blessing!

We spent a few days in Bali, the island of the Gods and Goddesses and enjoyed the Idyllic Island at the fullest. The people, the temples, the offerings, the ceremonies, the dancing, the sava’s = rice fields and last but not least the perfect massage and other treatments. We discovered the resort of Martha Tillar at Bali. Miraculous since I have been for almost one year a student at her school in Jakarta.

Paradise found! Carmen my angel: Finally home? On your path to freedom?

Adelaar_2What about me?   The new courses at Euromed will start soon. I am looking forward to finish some papers for International Conferences in different parts of the world. The book: "Rethinking Growth", Social Intrapreneurship for Sustainable Performance Walter and I wrote will be published soon. I will continue "my" dance classes and hope to further dance my life. What about the future? We do not know the past, it never exsisted, we do not know the future, it’s all imagination. It’s all in the present and according to his holiness the Dalai Lama even the present does not exsist.       I N S H A L L A H

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